


"You’ve always felt like home."

by ImagineRedwood



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Funeral, Makeup, Post-Break Up, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 19:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16980513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineRedwood/pseuds/ImagineRedwood
Summary: Drabble from sentence prompt list, "You’ve always felt like home."





	"You’ve always felt like home."

You sighed as you ran your fingers along Jax’s headstone, a tear slipping down your cheek. You and Happy had broken up 7 months ago and it hadn’t been easy. He’d been less than gentle when he’d last spoken to you too. He’d said you weren’t good enough to be his, that you didn’t have a place in the club and it would be best for everyone if you just left and didn’t come back. Of course, it had all been because he was afraid. Afraid of losing you to the increasing violence and death that was following the club.  So he had lied and tried to hurt you to get you to leave, and while you knew it was a lie, it didn’t sooth the ache you felt at losing not only him but the club and consequentially your family. You’d had to suffer through the breakup and heartbreak alone. You hadn’t had any contact with Happy or any club members for that matter. Not until this morning, when Chibs had called to tell you about Jax. He’d crashed his bike in a cop chase and had hit a semi. The funeral was this morning and you were invited to come and pay your respects.

So you did, only coming to say goodbye to Jax, that friend you had made so many years ago when you had first gotten to Charming. Happy was there of course, but you entirely avoided each other, staying at completely opposite sides on the crowd while they lowered him into the ground. You had stayed to the back, not feeling comfortable surrounded by the family that Happy told you wasn’t yours. It wasn’t until everyone had pretty much left that you stepped up, staring at his grave in silence. You weren’t sure how long you stood there, unable to believe that one of your best friends and people that supported you the most was gone. You didn’t look away until you heard a familiar voice that you never thought you would hear again.  

“It’s good to see you again.”

You turned your head slightly to look at him over your shoulder.

“I’m sure it is.”

The venom in your voice even surprised you a little, pure hatred almost tangible. You looked back towards the grave, hoping that would be the end of it. You should’ve known better. You could feel him getting closer to you, the air changing until you could practically feel the heat coming from his body. When he spoke again, it sounded almost like he was right in your ear.

“Are you ok?”

You spun around with a ferocity, even Happy flinched back slightly. You were planning to tear him a new one, almost offended at how he tried to make small talk after abandoning you and then ostracizing you from all that you cared about. All that left you though when you looked into his eyes, seeing them swollen and red, a sadness in them you never in a million years thought you would see from him. And just like that, all your anger dissipated. You knew how close he was to Jax and how much he loved him. Even more than you did. You could only imagine the pain he was in and that was the only thing that helped you be civil.

“I’m fine.”

It was a lie, and he knew it. He left it alone though, only nodding.

“Are you?”

He hesitated, wanting desperately to tell you the truth. That no, he wasn’t and that he needed you. That everything including his life was a mess without you and that all he could think about was you. But he lied too, just like you had.

“I’m good.”

You nodded and so did he, both of you standing there and pretending like fools.

“So what about the babies? They’re with Wendy?”

“Yeah, and Nero. They took them to Nero’s farm. They’ll be safe there.”

You nodded and looked around.

“And when is Gemma’s uh…when is her funeral?”

You started to get choked up halfway, finding it hard to spit out the words as you realized that in these short months of you being away, some of the most important people in your life had passed away, and you hadn’t been there to say goodbye. Hadn’t been there to enjoy their last days with them and tell them that you loved them. Tears flooded your eyes before you could control them and the same happened to Hap as he watched you, your pain radiating over to him. Without thinking or hesitation, he reached for you and brought you into his arms, wrapping you up and trying to provide you with any bit of comfort that he could. He’d half expected you to pull away, to shove him off you and tell him that you hated him, but you didn’t. You didn’t and it gave him hope that maybe somewhere in you, despite all the pain he had caused you, there was still love for him and you would give him a second chance.

“I’m sorry babygirl. For everything. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I know you’re pissed at me, and you got every right to be. I know losing Jax and Gemma doesn’t help. I’m just…I’m really sorry for everything.”

He was tearing up by the end but pushed them back, knowing he needed to be strong, for you. He didn’t deserve to cry, not when he was the one that had put you in this position. Your tears, however, didn’t stop flowing, your hands clutching at his white tee.

“I forgive you. I just wish I could’ve been around to say goodbye to them.”

“I know baby, I’m sorry I pushed you away.  ** _I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you_**.  I just wanted to protect you from all this. I didn’t want you to get hurt or keep having the people you loved die. I shouldn’t have pushed you away though. It was a mistake. You’re the only thing that keeps me sane when everything is going to shit. I ain’t me when you’re gone.  ** _You’ve always felt like home_**. I love you.”

You chuckled sadly against his chest.

“You got a weird way of showing it.”

“I know I do. But I do. You’re it little girl. Can we try again? I feel like you’re all I have. The club is going getting better, we’re trying to fix shit but nothing is sure. The only thing I know I can always count on is you.”

You nodded, wiping at your tears and using confidence to mask your emotional exhaustion.

“Damn right.”

He chuckled and used his thumb to wipe at your tears.

“Can we try this shit again? I promise I won’t fuck it up this time.”

After a few seconds, you nodded, eyeing him in a way that needed no words yet still conveyed the message that he better not make you regret it. His eyes held sincerity though and you placed an arm around his waist, walking away from Jax’s grave with him.


End file.
